


Sorry

by SteRhubarb



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 20:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteRhubarb/pseuds/SteRhubarb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has fallen. Dean is sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry

He sighs and Castiel looks up to watch him screw his eyes shut, press the heel of his palm to his head, frowns.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas utters, barely audible over the sound of rushing in his ears, the repeat of no no no this can’t be happening going through his mind.

“Don’t, Cas. Just don’t.” He holds a hand out warningly and takes a gasp of air to try and keep the sob that wants to wrack through him at bay. He chances a glance up at where Castiel is slouched against the window and grimaces at the hurt the sight rakes up in him.

It finally happened. They knew it would, and Cas had been warning them it was coming for weeks now, maybe even months. Dean would just talk over him though, insist that they’d figure something out and then push the task to one side, as if ignoring it would just make it go away.

Or perhaps the frustratingly honest part of himself knew there was nothing to be done, didn’t want to damage his own pride by finding out the hard way.

It doesn’t matter now, though. It’s done. He’s fallen.

It is everything and nothing like what Dean thought it would be. The glow of life, that ethereal existence that flowed through Castiel is gone, and it shows in the way he stares now, the way he stands, holds himself. His skin is paler, eyes duller and sadder. Dean can hardly bare to look. 

“Don’t ever say sorry for this, Cas. God, it should be me.” He admits, raising his eyes to the ceiling as if begging for the strength, but he’s just trying to hold back the tears. “I should be on my knees in front of you, begging for your forgiveness. Or you- you should be beating the shit out of me for this.”

Cas lets out a puff of air, something akin to a laugh, but void of the energy. “I would not want to fight anybody at this moment, Dean. Let alone you.”

Dean moves up to Cas, wary, as if breathing on him would blow him away like dust on the wind. He takes a handful of the front of Castiel’s coat and just holds on. 

He notices how Castiel doesn’t deny that it is Dean’s fault, but it doesn’t hurt – can’t hurt any more than it already does – so he just tightens his grip and drops his head to Cas’ shoulder.

“I’m so tired.” Cas says quietly above him and Dean lifts his head to take in the bags under Castiel’s eyes. He nods and moves away.

“Get in the bed.” Dean instructs, tugging at the sleeve of Cas’ coat in an indication to take it off. “Take your shoes off, too.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas says idly as he shuffles toward the bed closest to the window, placing the coat in Dean’s outstretched hand before dropping down onto the mattress heavily.   
He sighs once he’s slid under the covers and closes his eyes with a pained expression.

“Don’t thank me.” Dean insists, throwing the trench coat on top of the clothes duffel and sitting on the other bed facing towards Cas. “Just go to sleep.”

“Where will you sleep?”

“That’s not your problem right now. Just go to sleep, will you?” Dean snaps. He regrets it instantly, and sighs apologetically “Just, don’t worry about it, alright?”

Cas stares for a moment, and Dean is hurt by how the look doesn’t pierce him any longer. It doesn’t feel like he’s being looked right through, or read from the inside out, all of his hopes and secrets. It’s just the tired look of a broken man.

“Goodnight, Dean.”

He just nods back and watches Cas roll onto his side toward the window. Dean watches until he notices the shallow breaths even out, then rubs a hand over his face, and presses his eyes closed against the tears.


End file.
